The train pulled out of Bremen Hauptbanhof and our party of 7 revellers settled into our seats, already in party mode. We looked around at each other, nobody wanting to be the first to ask. Except for Billy. “Is there a fucking bar on this train?” He eventually broke the silence. He wasn’t the type […]
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Blood, Shit and Tears
Let’s talk about poo. No, I don’t mean the honey loving bear who lives in the Hundred Acre Wood (as much as I also love talking about him). I mean the yucky kind that most of us don’t discuss very much, but quickly becomes an obsession to those in hospital. Given that I’ve already lowered […]
Who Needs Eastenders Anyway?
“I ain’t ‘avin it”. It’s like something straight out of a BBC drama. Script ideas briefly flitter through my head. Her words are slurred. She reeks of alcohol. It took 4 nurses to put her to bed and now she shouts that they let her wet herself. An irate Nurse-in-charge taps a foot, hands placed firmly on […]
They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab
I said ‘Yes, Yes, Yes’. I could hardly believe the words coming out of Liz’s mouth. ‘There’s a bed for you from tomorrow’. I would have jumped for joy if my legs allowed me. I was enjoying the company of my Mum and my Uncle, sitting outside the hospital’s coffee shop and enjoying my first […]
Turn it Up
“Crank it up to 2 there Anthony.” Anthony laughs. He gives me a look that asks “Are you sure?”, answered by a swift nod. He increases the Motomed to 2nd gear. I’m trying to pedal a machine that’s a bit like an electric bike, except that I can pedal from the comfort of my wheelchair. […]
Angels and Pigs
If you’d asked me a few months ago what my spirit animal was, I might have told you it was a panda. I’m not big into spirit animals, but I’d like to think that if such a thing existed, or if I had a Philip Pullman-esque Daemon, that it might be a kind of cute, […]
The Breakdown
It was meant as nothing more than chit-chat. A question asked in an elevator to break the silence for the 30 seconds it took to make it to the gym for physiotherapy. ‘What do you do for work?’ I felt the now-familiar wobble when the topic came up. A churning in my stomach. A stab […]
The Trump Lump
Vicki was the first of the Musketeers to make the great escape. She wouldn’t have had it any other way. Her bag was packed from the moment her anaesthetic wore off. There was a class of 7-year-olds and a whole community of former-7-year-olds who missed her. That was motivation enough to get her fully dressed […]
I Like to Move It, Move It
I’ve always been mystified by super fit people; all of those crazy sporty types who run marathons, have 50 burpees done before breakfast and whose Instagram feeds are a collection of sweaty selfies and announcements of PBs. I didn’t get it. Why in the name of God would someone waste their Sunday running a 10k […]
The Misfit Musketeers
‘Girls!’ A call of joy comes from the far side of the blue curtain. The attention of everyone in the room turns towards Vicki’s cubicle for some morsel of good news. She does not disappoint. ‘I can feel my fanny!’ A cheer goes up. Now, there are very few women in my life that I’ve […]